Do You Tear Down or Build Up?

Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue

The only set of people I admire in this world is those “who are calm with their words.” People who are calm with their words often value silence and would carefully sieve through their words if they have to speak. Are you one? If yes, you’ve found a place in my heart.

Why do I love this set of people? It is simple, it is because their words will hardly tear down.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones…” but words can be powerful weapons that can motivate or destroy someone.

Words are fragile, they can be likened to egg, once it is broken, they can never be packed as a whole again. Often, I say things that I regret so much once it comes out, and then I wish I could take back those words, but it doesn’t. All I can do is apologise.

However, does the apology heal the wounded heart? Does it restore that relationship? Does it bring back those who’ve committed suicide from it? Of course, not. Instead of this, we must learn to tame our tongue.

So do the word you say to people build them up or tear them down?

  • You Will Be Judged By It:
    Have you ever met someone for the first time, then after hearing such a person speak you’re amazed at what comes out of such a person? In that process, you might be forced to conclude that “He or she is a believer.” Matthew 12:37 — “37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.” (KJV). It is often said that if you want to know someone, just sit with them for hours, their words would reveal who they are.
  • Your Tongue Controls Your Life:
    Your tongue determines the direction of your life as it controls the whole body. Hence, if you’re used to saying negative things about yourself and your future, you’d reap it because you’ve created your future with it. James 3:2 — “2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” (KJV)
  • It Affects Others:
    See Proverbs 10:11 — “11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.” (KJV). Have you seen how a single rumour can ruin a reputation? How a referral can change a person’s life? Hence, our words live with people forever, they can hurt them and they can bless them when used well.
  • It Can Cause You To sin:
    See Proverbs 10:19 — “19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” (KJV). When you don’t know how to keep quiet, you’ll sin against God and even offend others.


  • Ask For Help: The scripture says no man can tame His tongue. This is to say that you can never do it by yourself. The more you try, the more you keep hurting people. However, when you seek the Help of the Holy Spirit. He will come through for you just as He has been doing for me.
  • Give your Tongue & Heart to God Daily: See Psalms 19:14 — “14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” (KJV). Before you step out daily, pray this prayer. Ask for grace, so that your words can be seasoned with salt. I don’t step out of my room without this prayer.
  • Constantly Renew Your Heart: What you speak comes out of the abundance of your hearts. So if your health is filled with filth, impure thoughts and every other vice, that is what you’ll spill. So you renew your heart by committing yourself to the scripture. If scripture takes 20% of your heart and all other things take 80%, you’ll speak from the abundance of the 80%. However, if it’s otherwise, you’ll speak out of the abundance as well.
  • Practice silence: A friend of mine will always say to me that “If you are silent, it can’t be used against you. But when you talk too much, your words can be used against you.” Proverbs 17:28 — “28 Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” (KJV), Ecclesiastes 5:3 — “3 For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.” (KJV), Ecclesiastes 10:14 — “14 A fool also is full of words: a man cannot tell what shall be; and what shall be after him, who can tell him?” (KJV)

Other tips include:

  • Daily practice of positive words
  • Be quick to listen and slow to speak,
  • Avoid Gossip, if not, you’d exaggerate and sin,
  • Think thoroughly before you speak,
  • Speak truthfully,
  • Be kind,
  • Bless others instead of cursing them and I’ve learnt to use “It is well.” Even when I’m hurt. You can coin blessed words too.
  • Learn self-control,
  • Sieve your words and put yourself in their shoe before you speak,
  • Seek forgiveness if you have hurt others with your words.

Do you see how those who are wise keep quiet but only share from their well of Knowledge when called upon? That’s it. You gain more knowledge when you speak less. In this world of savagery, learning to use your words to build others up might not be so easy, but try to avoid talking behind others, lying, deceiving people, body shaming others, stopping exaggeration when you’re sharing a story, etc. You can’t praise God with the same mouth you use in cursing others.

At your Leisure, study the Book of James 3, you’d learn a lot about why you need to tame your tongue. Henceforth, I hope you would think thoroughly before you speak, your word will build others up and you’d start declaring things unto yourself.

Spread the Gospel

Leave a Comment